Day 1

Lane drove out of town just before 11am this morning. (He is in Texas this fall doing some insurance adjusting in the wake of Hurricane Ike.)

My day has not gone as planned. After a rough night with Declan (I was up 5 or 6 times from 1am to 7am) I was crazy exhausted as I tried to finish folding clothes and help Lane pack this morning. Of course it was hard to watch him leave knowing I won't see him in person until mid-November, but it really was quite surreal. I still half expect him to be here when I wake up in the morning.

My dear SIL took the big kids to her house for lunch so I could grab a quick shower and sandwich. I hoped to get my house picked up (it is a total pit), but I didn't even get the laundry taken to the respective rooms...much less pick up anything else. The kids came home happy enough, but it was soon nap time which came with many tears. Thankfully they did all nap.

After naps and snacks I loaded the kids up to head to Target for a few things and an excuse to get out of the house. Although I am not a big fan of dragging my 3 kids to the store, they really did quite well. I can tell my parenting needs to improve a bit with Lincoln...he is not as quick to listen and obey. (thankfully he is not openly defiant...more oblivious at this point...but it could go bad quickly!) Toward the end of our outing I noticed DeLaney was acting itchy. Unfortunately I didn't pay enough attention. It seems that she is allergic to the detergent I used for ALL THAT LAUNDRY I just got done folding! (It was A LOT of laundry I did in the last 2 days...probably 80% of what we own!) The mere thought of rewashing everything made me want to cry.
Thankfully a dear friend of mine offered to bring some Allergy Medicine and Tide over so I wouldn't have to load the kids back up to head to the store for those things.

Add to the craziness a nearly 2 year old who typically loves to take a bath but decided to scream the whole time while trying to climb out of the tub and a 3 month old who cried for the better part of 2 hours no matter what I did! (Additionally preventing mommy from getting anywhere on the house or packing for the weekend!)

I am struggling to keep perspective on Lane's absence(and this is only day 1). He could be in the military and stationed in a war zone in harms way...but he isn't. He is gone for a few months to TX. I can talk to him everyday, video chat most evenings, and even see him a couple of times when he plans to visit. So, how do I deal with the overwhelming emotions I have? I absolutely do not want to be a whiner all fall. I don't want to minimize the pain of others dealing with much greater losses. I don't want to ignore my feelings or act like I am "great" when I actually feel like I lost my right arm!

I feel scattered...this post doesn't feel complete, but it is late and I made a deal with myself that I would try to get to bed earlier while Lane is gone. Another thing that didn't go as planned on Day 1.